Success, Love And Fear

(I do not own the rights to this photo) I started a revolution on my own. Couldn't take the pain anymore. The voices were just too loud The cracks on this broken heart Just footprints of the past.  Blood, what is left of lies and half truths.  Can you not see the tears in my eyes? Demons murmur destruction as if They were beautiful promises on the wind.  Is it so wrong that I want to give into the  Guts and glory or their intention? But here I stand in my Lexapro armor Wielding my Xanax laced blade Day in, day out. I refuse to give in.  Because this is a revolution of my own.  Ashlae Grisham 2021

*Photo does not belong to me* She came to me in a dream Laced in bourbon and turpentine  Her eyes screamed While her smile was serenity.  A nightmare disguised in a miracle Whispering promises of delight Like a spider she crawled In for the kill. "Your heart will be mine to devour And your soul to cherish forever. Since you damned me, You shall not escape me." Her teeth dripped venom, So hypnotically toxic I stalked closer to her Through her sheer will. With the first pierce of her bite, I felt an exotic twist to my demise. For this was no longer a dream, But a fated reality. She commanded me to my knees. Reality struck like a slap to the face. Knowing there is no choice but to succumb. For she was the light and the dark. ....The dreaded queen of my heart. -Ashlae Grisham 2020

Photographer unknown.  She bled a thousand tears Broken down and torn She stood so strong  Just to keep you around.  Her misery coated her lips in red While her desperation coated her skin, Faint as the perfume you bought her again To pacify your aching guilt.   Just a beautiful girl  That made you the center of her world.  The needle slips in again As she rides high on the thoughts of a perfect reality.  But the truth is the sin you commit.  The killer of flowers,  You are her winter,  Smothering her in your selfishness And careless need. Nothing but a husk You leave to be someone else's storm With one last breath she opens her hand Leaving behind a lonely seed.  -Ashlae Grisham 04/1/2020 

I actually wrote this blog already; but I accidentally deleted it. That's okay though because I kind of wanted to rewrite it anyways. I didn't much care for the first draft, if you know what I mean.  So, lets start with the nitty gritty shall we? My name is Ash. I am 33 years old and I am a type 2 diabetic that has a triglyceride disorder. Oh, did I also mention that I am addicted to food? I have been struggling with my weight ever since I can remember. And in the past few years I have put in more effort to try and lose it then I ever have before. I've been somewhat successful. I always knew the causes of weight gain, too much food and not enough of the right types of foods. But mentally I have always failed. And it usually started with a day of laziness or frustration because others in my household are picky eaters and are able to eat the crap food without any real effects. And I would get tired of trying to shop and cooking things that everyone could eat. Those...